My Heritage (Grandpa)

I'm feeling nostalgic all of a sudden. So might as well start keeping track of my own heritage.

Met my aunt for dinner recently, she spoke about having a life journal. That parents should do for your kids. I called it heritage but she disagreed, saying heritage are worth something, there's value in them. With all due respect, I disagree my dear aunt, the value of any particular heritage is unsurmountable to the people involved.

My grandpa passed on, yeah... he is. But here's something to remember him by, for all my family who might stumble upon this blog.

Grandpa came over to Singapore from somewhere in China. Along with many, he left his homeland to seek his fortune here. Life was hard, he worked as a coolie and also as a rickshaw rider back in those days. Then he met Grandma, she was working as a samsui woman.

They married and started a family, that's when my dad came about. I view that my grandpa as the first generation, the patriarch of my family, so that makes me the 3rd generation. (arguably 2nd generation)

Then war came, the Japanese made their already tough life even harder. They survived.

Grandpa had two sons, but sadly he lost one due to cancer, if I remember correctly, he died from smoking (or so I was told). My dad then became the only son.

When I was born, grandpa was already living in the modern Singapore. He had seen so many changes in his life. He is old, very old.

I remember that he would bring me to school when I was just a little toddler and fetch me when I finished school. Life was simple then, I would be happy to follow him out on morning walks. To the coffee shop nearby, to have coffee and eggs, I would smile inside my heart whenever i see those olden coffee cup and saucer when I go for coffee.

That was in circuit road, our old apartment. Then we moved to Simei and I went to Primary School.

He would wait down at the void deck everyday, enjoying the peacefulness and having his smokes. I get to see him everyday after school and we would go back home for dinner. There was once I chased and got up the wrong bus, got lost -_-" A nice auntie passed me some money to take a cab back home, and there he was, ever so happy to see grandpa sitting there.

Grandpa often would remind me to study hard and work hard. There was once, he stopped me from playing games. (yeah, I already loved games when I was little) I ran away out of the house when he did not notice, I ran across to the other side of Simei (my mum was working part time at a nursery - I knew what I was doing already even when I was young okay... not everything spur of the moment without a plan XD)

Grandpa searched everywhere for me... (yes, I do feel bad when I think of it)

Grandpa stayed with us for 10 over years, he loved chinese chess. He would grab me to play with him, sometimes I will challenge him to a game and he would happily oblige. I got better and better playing with him. He would insist that his piece was in the correct position and I mistook my piece in another place (yeah, I knew he tried to cheat >P I gave in anyway)

Grandpa start to grow older and senile, my aunt (Mandy) took my grandparents in. (Yes yes, with all families, there's some drama drama at this point - then my aunt decided that she'll take care of my grandparents)

We start to grow up and have our lives, visiting once a month. Grandpa had a couple of stroke attacks here and there... plus he's getting more and more senile.

But grandpa loved me, his grandson, he loved me till death. He couldn't remember a lot of people, it takes a bit of reminder for him to remember we are his kin... all... except me. Even being senile, he NEVER forgot me, NEVER. I was always on his mind, he knows immediately that I'm there when he hears my voice. He never fails to still remind me to study hard and work hard. He didn't want me to fail. Afterall, he gave me my name.

Wai Khuen, symbolises Strength and Power in our dialect 'Cantonese'. I'm keeping this name for life, even though geomancers said that my name is too strong and if my signs aren't strong enough to carry it, I will suffer a crushing defeat. Heck, I love my name. I will carry the world on my shoulders if I have to.

Grandpa passed on in his sleep, peaceful death... I couldn't remember what year... but the date, is forever etched in my mind.

December the 3rd. A day after my birth date, it was like he waited till after my birthday (silently wishing me a wonderful birthday wish as he breathed his last)

Yeah, tears are welling up my eyes as I typed to this point. =(

During his funeral, I stayed dry eyed. The rest were crying, I held back. I had to be the pillar of strength for the family. At night, my sisters cajoled me to cry, when there's no one else around (they knew I had been holding back).

He wanted a water burial, I watched as the coffin moved into the burners and the long wait to collect his remains. His bones were white with a hint of yellow. We traveled to the seas with his remains in my hands, a red cloth holding him inside.

As the grandson, I was the one lowering him into his watery grave (my family and relatives knew he wouldn't want anybody else to do it). I watched as I lowered him, red baggage touching the sea water, releasing my grip and watch him sink deeper and deeper. I buried grandpa with my own hands.

I never cried. I tried very hard to hold myself together. No one can understand that pain inside my heart, being the only grandson burying his granddad. Those fond memories, that respect I have for him, without him, I wouldn't be here. I remained grave silent throughout the procession.

As the boatman started the barge back to the harbor, I watched as the place I buried my grandpa drift away. He wanted a water burial, so that he can be free to travel the seas. I had to call out to him one last time, I choked as I yelled, fighting to contain my tears.

"Grandpa!!! Time to sail the seven seas!!!"

Yeah, I still feel that grandpa is still watching over me somewhere out there... sometimes, memories of him sitting there, enjoying his smokes appear in front of me as I light up my own.

My name is strong, my name is given by him, I will not back down and never will I go down without a fight.

This is for you, my grandpa, Tang Ah Kow.

Regards,
Tang Wai Khuen (Alex)